Checking in

Checking in here for the first time in a long while. I don't think I'll be here often... the internet can be a bit of a black hole for me and I'm trying to be very focused on my priorities. First step, identifying same. However, it's nice to check in and see what some of the bloggers I've followed are up to -- and to see some beautiful people finding themselves and feeling happy. Love each day.

I heart chocolate and tolerate science

I recently watched a Nova episode about string theorists' efforts to discover a theory of everything. That is, a single theory that explains everything in the universe.
So far, the so-called string theorists have discovered that the so-called strings might actually be membranes, that the universe itself could be a membrane, and that our universe could actually be just one of many universes in the big loaf of life. Stop visualizing yummy carbs and stick with me here. Is this something that we really want to know?
We seem to be in over our heads here on Earth as it is. With ongoing killing and poverty, at home and afar, it's clear that we haven't figured out how to get along or support one another, let alone plan for the long run. Do we really want to discover whole other universes with whom to disagree? And if ours is just one of many universes, then who would we be to someone or something much bigger?
I guess this is why I don't usually watch Nova.
And why I was so relieved to learn that other scientists are hard at work on research that is infinitely more uplifting. Yes, yet another study has shown what we've always instinctively known -- chocolate is good for us. That is the kind of science that can only make us smile.

The words of the day: pancakes

Jake said, "Let's only go to church on food days." He is a fan of their fluffy pancakes.

He is not a fan of sitting quietly, although he was very good at it on Shrove Tuesday. Just the two of us, sitting in the front row -- his choice -- awkward since we hadn't been in months and I tripped over some of the responses. He is also starting to listen. This is suddenly alarming. Sometimes (invariably?) the readings are dark. Our priest does an amazing job of explaining them in a way which is relevant today. But in the meantime Jake is listening very literally. 

When he gets tired of listening, he opens the hymnal and sings softly, tracing the musical notes with his finger tip. He has the most beautiful voice.

He also likes to put a coin in the chest for children's charities and another coin in the little house for homeless people.

He really likes the fluffy pancakes.

The words of the day go to J: figure skating

J said, on Tuesday:

"Mom, remember when we turned on grown-up TV and we thought it was going to be football but it wasn't; it was figure skating? It was beautiful and cool."
...
"And we saw that guy's underwear and that was silly!"

[A male skater wore a kilt and we did, indeed, see his "underwear". Mommy laughed a lot at the unexpectedness of it.]

Stuck like glue. Old glue.

I am stuck. Totally. Crisis of confidence. Blast of reality?
Do I have the ability to do this creative work? This particular creative work, at least. This weird blend of creative and proscriptive work.
I don't know if I do. I've been stuck in my project for days. Stuck because I am... stuck... [dig deeper!] Ummmmmmm..... I am afraid. I am unsure. I am embarrassed. I haven't yet had a shower today and I'm wearing my least comfortable underwear. Should I shower to clear my head? Or is that just another form of procrastination? Well, I need to shower anyway, and it might help, so...
Meanwhile, if you're reading this, please send me some creative vibes. Thank you.

p.s. I'm designing a fashion designer's studio and retail space for a school project.

Beauty

So, I haven't blogged in months, and my first so-called post of the year is going to be... a link to another blogger's awesome post!
Check out Katie Swanberg's post entitled What is beauty? Check out the photos that Katie posted and tell me, who is more desirable? I think it's obvious; I'm curious if anyone else sees it differently.
Happy 2013!

Insomnia sucks.

It's already 10:33 a.m., which means I've been up four almost four hours, and I still haven't shaken that sleepy, hungover sort of feeling.
I'm not hungover. (Haven't had alcohol in a few days.)
I am sleepy though. I am sleepy because I got hardly any sleep last night.
I haven't been sleeping well for weeks. Since when? ...Since the end of our two-week summer vacation in late July. That makes sense. I got totally off schedule...
For a week or maybe two I treated it with medication. I took a minimal dose sleeping pill and went to bed early.
Then when I thought I had my schedule back, I tried sleeping without the Rx. (I don't want to take sleeping pills regularly, for lots of good reasons.) Happily, I was able to fall asleep relatively well the first day or two. Saturday I was reaallly physically exhausted and I slept better than I have in a long time.
Last night, not so much.
I did eventually get sleepy, put down my book, turn off the light, and fall asleep.
But I woke up when K. came in to bed.
And I was awake two hours later when the baby monitor started beeping in the living room to tell us that it was out of batteries... F*&%.
Which also woke up our son!
Who crawled into our bed, to be coaxed back to his bed with a trip to the washroom and two stories (well, one story, read twice).
Eventually I gave up tossing and turning and moved to the kitchen and then the couch where I read, until I got sleepy at 4:30.
Crawled back into bed at 4:30.
Heard my hubby reset the alarm clock before it went off. Cuddled up with him.
Was SOUND asleep when the alarm went off at 5:30. Slept until 6:30 when I had to get up and parent.
And have been trying to shake this foggy feeling ever since.
I know that I will shake it at about 8:48 p.m. this evening, just before I crawl into bed...

Insomnia sucks and I'm sorry that was SO long and boring but IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR THEM! Thank you.

I guess if I am to learn from my own post, physical exhaustion might be a good place to start...
Chatelaine suggests walnuts... can I put them in a pastry?