Monday, March 19, 2012
"We just have to be the adults we hope they grow up to be."
I just watched two fascinating, motivating talks by Brené Brown.
Apparently Dr. Brown's December, 2010 talk went viral, but I was pretty much immune from the pull of the internet at that time, being fully pulled by my career, so I'm grateful to NorCal Katie for posting Dr. Brown's latest talk.
Dr. Brown's research led her to an unexpected -- and initially unwanted -- discovery about the power of vulnerability. Based on her research, her advice is to let ourselves be fully seen; to love fully; to practice gratitude and joy, even in the face of insecurity; and to believe that we are enough. That dry summary is a tiny hint of Dr. Brown's findings shared in her engaging 2010 talk.
This month Dr. Brown gave another talk, Listening to Shame, preceded by a Q&A, Being vulnerable about vulnerability; Q&A with Brené Brown.
Dr. Brown's findings are both inspiring and challenging. Daring to be vulnerable may be valuable, but it isn't easy. So, as a parent, I was particularly moved by Dr. Brown's comment at the conclusion of the Q&A:
You can’t raise children who have more shame resilience than you do. Because even if you don’t shame them, and even if you are actively trying to raise them feeling good about who they are, they’re never going to treat themselves better than you treat yourself. ... We can’t give children what we don’t have. We just have to be the adults we hope they grow up to be.
Apparently Dr. Brown's December, 2010 talk went viral, but I was pretty much immune from the pull of the internet at that time, being fully pulled by my career, so I'm grateful to NorCal Katie for posting Dr. Brown's latest talk.
Dr. Brown's research led her to an unexpected -- and initially unwanted -- discovery about the power of vulnerability. Based on her research, her advice is to let ourselves be fully seen; to love fully; to practice gratitude and joy, even in the face of insecurity; and to believe that we are enough. That dry summary is a tiny hint of Dr. Brown's findings shared in her engaging 2010 talk.
This month Dr. Brown gave another talk, Listening to Shame, preceded by a Q&A, Being vulnerable about vulnerability; Q&A with Brené Brown.
Dr. Brown's findings are both inspiring and challenging. Daring to be vulnerable may be valuable, but it isn't easy. So, as a parent, I was particularly moved by Dr. Brown's comment at the conclusion of the Q&A:
You can’t raise children who have more shame resilience than you do. Because even if you don’t shame them, and even if you are actively trying to raise them feeling good about who they are, they’re never going to treat themselves better than you treat yourself. ... We can’t give children what we don’t have. We just have to be the adults we hope they grow up to be.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Memoir
Recalling Little House in the Big Woods in my last post got me thinking about other books I love.
I recommend Anthony Swofford's memoir Jarhead: A Marine's Chronicle of the Gulf War and Other Battles, the story of Swofford's experience as a marine in Operation Desert Storm. This memoir has one of the best openings of any book, in any genre. I'll be watching for Swofford's next memoir due out in June, 2012.
Some memoir-writers have experienced something life-altering, an experience shared by some but almost unimaginable to the rest of us. Yet experience alone does not make a great memoir.
What are your favourite memoirs?
I recommend Anthony Swofford's memoir Jarhead: A Marine's Chronicle of the Gulf War and Other Battles, the story of Swofford's experience as a marine in Operation Desert Storm. This memoir has one of the best openings of any book, in any genre. I'll be watching for Swofford's next memoir due out in June, 2012.
Some memoir-writers have experienced something life-altering, an experience shared by some but almost unimaginable to the rest of us. Yet experience alone does not make a great memoir.
What are your favourite memoirs?
Monday, March 12, 2012
A day in the woods
This weekend I took my son J back to the marsh for the first time in months. We avoided the boardwalks and walked in the woods instead. On our way to a bird-feeding station, two small deer crossed our path and arrived at the bird-feeder just ahead of us. We stood and watched them eat fallen birdseed in the snow. J was eager to get closer but I reluctantly held him back. After a while we moved on, leaving the deer to their lunch.
At the end of our hike we entered a Sod House and tried to imagine living in a one-room home. One smoky room without plumbing or electricity (or wifi). It would be a simpler life, but so dependent on one's attitude, the quality of one's marriage, and the natural world. I recently re-read Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House in the Big Woods, an evocative and idyllic portrayal of a young family of five living in a log cabin. I have such fond memories of this series from my own childhood, and Little House in the Big Woods was just as good as I remembered. I can't wait to introduce the whole Little House series to J when he gets a little older!
We also saw a few Canada Geese exploring the late winter landscape. People in the South are probably happy to be rid of them already, but here in the North the return of the geese is a sign of spring. Welcome.
p.s. I loved the Little House books so much that I've added an Amazon link. Full disclosure: Amazon promises to share with me a little bit of any purchases through this link.
At the end of our hike we entered a Sod House and tried to imagine living in a one-room home. One smoky room without plumbing or electricity (or wifi). It would be a simpler life, but so dependent on one's attitude, the quality of one's marriage, and the natural world. I recently re-read Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House in the Big Woods, an evocative and idyllic portrayal of a young family of five living in a log cabin. I have such fond memories of this series from my own childhood, and Little House in the Big Woods was just as good as I remembered. I can't wait to introduce the whole Little House series to J when he gets a little older!
We also saw a few Canada Geese exploring the late winter landscape. People in the South are probably happy to be rid of them already, but here in the North the return of the geese is a sign of spring. Welcome.
p.s. I loved the Little House books so much that I've added an Amazon link. Full disclosure: Amazon promises to share with me a little bit of any purchases through this link.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Stumbling into Lent
Lent is off to a bit of a rocky start here. No surprise since it's the first time in my life I've paid any attention to Lent whatsoever. (Long story short: I grew up believing religious faith was delusion. I fell in love with a man who has faith. He's never tried to persuade me. It may be catching.)
Anyway, I just ate the rest of my son's "prayer pretzel" for lunch. At breakfast-time he ate two candies from the purple goody bag he got at church last night. This is the first time in his life that he's had candy at breakfast, and it's the first day of Lent.
Should I tell our lovely Catechism teacher that it's really not necessary, and perhaps counterproductive, to bundle the prayer cards and Jesus magnets with lollipops and gummy bears? On Shrove Tuesday no less! [Shrove Tuesday (a.k.a. Mardi Gras) is the day before Lent. Ritual consumption on the eve of a period of abstention and religious observance.]
I wonder if she expected him to eat it all before bed, or was this just the ultimate Lenten challenge for a three-year-old?
I wonder if she expected him to eat it all before bed, or was this just the ultimate Lenten challenge for a three-year-old?
I guess I failed the parental pretzel challenge.
Well, I'm thinking about Lent now, aren't I?
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Sorting
It's been a few months, but here I am, writing. I'm not sure why this is the moment. It could be related to my plan to clean my home from top to bottom today, and my desire to delay such plan. But I'm perfectly capable of procrastinating in other ways.
My dilemma is this. I want to write. I want to really explore some issues, some trickier than others. At the lighter end of the spectrum I want to guide myself through some should-be embarrassingly simple processes, like creating and keeping an organized home.
In other words, I want to write for myself, to put my inner-most thoughts into words, to reflect upon them. So the logical thing would seem to be to write in a private diary, not a public blog.
Yet I'm drawn to write in this forum. Why, I ask myself, would I want to do such a crazy thing? The answer I suppose is that I just might encounter some kindred souls. I have been so happily surprised to discover this intimate, supportive world. That and Blogger's handy formatting and pretty colours.
And yet, I've resisted it. Ultimately, I think I need to write for my eyes only.
My dilemma is this. I want to write. I want to really explore some issues, some trickier than others. At the lighter end of the spectrum I want to guide myself through some should-be embarrassingly simple processes, like creating and keeping an organized home.
In other words, I want to write for myself, to put my inner-most thoughts into words, to reflect upon them. So the logical thing would seem to be to write in a private diary, not a public blog.
Yet I'm drawn to write in this forum. Why, I ask myself, would I want to do such a crazy thing? The answer I suppose is that I just might encounter some kindred souls. I have been so happily surprised to discover this intimate, supportive world. That and Blogger's handy formatting and pretty colours.
And yet, I've resisted it. Ultimately, I think I need to write for my eyes only.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
And back again!
And you know what? We did get back on track! My insubordinate little toddler has become an angel again. Sure, he has his moments, but mostly he just makes my heart swell with pride and love and joy. I am truly blessed.
And at this time of night, a week before Christmas with much still to do, that's all I'm going to say on the subject! Now back to on-line Christmas shopping...
Merry Christmas!
And at this time of night, a week before Christmas with much still to do, that's all I'm going to say on the subject! Now back to on-line Christmas shopping...
Merry Christmas!
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