Since I was using a new-fangled digital ovulation test, the positive result was indicated by a happy face. No more fuzzy lines. I don't know how they do it.
Anyway, there is nothing like a hoped-for but unexpected happy face on a test stick to generate a smile! It looked so positive that I delivered the news to my husband by handing him the stick itself -- in a campground, no less. To avoid any disappointment, I first reminded him that it was an ovulation test, not a pregnancy test.
Fortunately our little one is a very sound sleeper.
So now we wait.
Odds are that nothing will come of this. But since our only other positive ovulation test led to the beloved little boy sleeping in the next room, my hopes are up.
At the same time, I am reminded that life is fragile.
Two days after the positive ovulation test, we watched a nature film in a campground amphitheatre. It was a documentary about wetlands.
Rows of benches faced the beach. Behind the screen, the sun set over the lake. Warm breezes off the water. Sun-kissed children everywhere, including on my lap.
In the midst of all this bliss, I heard the narrator intone, "The female goose is having nest problems." "Oh, no," I thought. Sure enough, there was footage of a goose frantically trying to build up her nest while incubating her eggs. Later, as red-winged blackbirds attacked the goose, she continued her futile efforts to improve her nest without leaving it. Finally, she watched her neighbours "parade" by with their goslings, still sheltering her own eggs in vain.
As the narrator confirmed that there would be no happy ending for the goose this season, I realized that I had been unconsciously tracing the word "miscarriage" with my finger-tip.
I am at a loss for words, but saddened and sorry.